Question:
There are times that I have all of the tact of a nuclear weapon. Something needs to be said, and *I* need to say it. Now my question is this, "Is this a symptom of being Bipolar or is this just a part of Ralph's personality?" It’s like I feel compelled to tell what I believe is "the truth" and it would be morally and ethically wrong not to do so. It’s almost like the pressured speech of mania. So my question is "Is this a symptom of being Bipolar, or being anti-social in some way, or is it just a Ralph-ism?" I don't know if it's BP, but I tend to do the same thing. I notice that as I get older I can sometimes control the urge somewhat. Some of the time.
Answer:
I'm voting for just a Ralphism. Does this happen exclusively in certain parts of an episode or does it cover a broader base of your behaviour? IMO if it is bipolar behavior it would be more episodic in nature. I love an audience but this is part of my personality. It is a normal functioning part. This appears regardless of my mood episodes. I have done poetry readings in the height of mania (interesting show BTW) while in the slipping into depression and when feeling those heretofore brief moments of stability. Not everything about us is bipolar. I don't think we need to give it that much credit. Sometimes that's a symptom of being co-dependent. Peacemaker, people pleaser. Then when you get pissed saboteur. Then you feel betrayed and the wheel turns again. Try Codependent No More, borrow it from the library or get it on interlibrary loan. If it makes no sense then you aren’t codependent. If it "clicks" and you go yes, then look into dealing with it in therapy. Over simplified, it's inappropriate caretaking. When the person being cared for doesn't want your help you get pissed. Then you sabotage things even worse. Then you play the peacemaker and once again do caretaking that isn't wanted or appreciated. A codependent person is attracted to someone she or he perceives to be troubled or broken in some way; often this is an alcoholic or otherwise addicted person, but addictions aren't the only types of troubles a codependent person will try to fix. I was highly codependent to my son with Tourette’s Syndrome; later I found my codependency to my husband, now my ex. The main thing is that the codependent person is very compassionate, wants to help, tries to help so much that the helping becomes what is called "enabling"-not allowing the child or spouse to experience any consequences from their behavior. By placing the focus on the other person, the codependent person can avoid feeling her own feelings and can avoid dealing with her own problems. Often she will neglect herself and feel resentful of the person she's working so hard to fix, not seeing that it's not her job to change anyone else, only to love them and to establish healthy boundaries for herself. Many times a codependent person will choose the same sort of troubled partner or relationship so that she can really fix the problems her troubled parent had. It's impossible, of course, but a codependent person will give herself over to trying with all her might! (Of course, the codependent could be male, too.) The loss of herself is the price for trying this impossible task, and it is typical for her not to believe or trust her own opinions or feelings, if she even feels them at all. She will continue to take abuse from the emotional abuser, will continue to believe the promises of the gambling addict, continue to take responsibility for the problems of the alcoholic, etc., and she goes down as far as they do. To me it's more difficult for the codependent to see what her part in the system is; after all, she's not the one drinking, etc. I could go on and on, from personal experience, but I think you get the picture. Melody Beattie wrote a couple of books on the subject. I like Codependent No More, especially. My life is infinitely happier since I've learned better ways to relate to people! Good luck as you research the topic. My opinion is you have a strong sense of identity. I too am a windmill chaser (Donna Quixote). I am far from a co-dependant person. I strongly believe what you are experiencing is an integral part of your personality. Trying to make the world a better place is not dysfunctional behavior. Co-dependency is very dysfunctional. IF you were in a co-dependant relationship you would have no sense of personal identity. All of your identity would be defined by how you "fix" the other person/s. I don't see that in you at all. You have excellent parental boundaries with your daughter. After all, you are the parent. That is your primary roll. Caring about others is not being co-dependant. Caring about others to the point of sacrificing your own identity may be. You are the serial hugger because you are a compassionate person. There is nothing wrong or dysfunctional in that.
