Question:
My daughter was in a verbally abusive marriage...when she was in depression she went for help to a domestic violence shelter...from there she took her 2 boys to Orlando and behaved abnormally after she got there...She was placed in the hospital with classic bipolar symptoms, and diagnosed bp. This was her first episode, and never had any symptoms, she was 33 at the time. Can any of you relate to this story? Can the stress of an abusive marriage trigger symptoms for the first time? Could her diagnosis of bipolar be inaccurate? My daughter can't even get unsupervised visitation of her children due to the bipolar dx...
Answer:
I wasn't diagnosed BP until I was around 31. Everyone has a breaking point. "verbally abusive = domestic violence"? I take it the children were taken away from her and given to the father? If your daughter is in hospital for her mental illness, I can assure you, the children are better off with their father. I'm also bipolar. This illness often does manifest much later on in life. I know now, in hindsight, that I was manifesting symptoms as early as 14 or 15, but I was 34 before I had a complete breakdown and was officially diagnosed BP. As Jane said, everyone has a breaking point. And yes, stressful situations often trigger symptoms and cycles. It sounds to me that, much like myself, your daughter's undiagnosed illness, in addition to martial stress and anxiety, and the responsibility of children, accumulated to the point where she fell apart at the age of 33, which is pretty typical for most bipolars. It's possible the diagnosis is wrong, but not likely. Bipolar disorder is marked by some very clear and obvious signs. I think it wise to trust the medical professionals to help her and see what happens. Of course, if you feel that strongly about it perhaps you could get a second opinion to ease your own mind.
That said...it is important to point out that your daughter has a mood disorder caused by a brain chemical imbalance. If what you're really asking is...is this her husband's fault? The answer is no. Your daughter would have reached this point anyway without his help, and blaming him is not conducive to her recovery.
As for custody I'm a little confused. I'm guessing the children were taken from her when she was hospitalized and now she wants them back, but the husband is challenging custody? Unless the bipolar parent is seriously ill, there is no reason why they can't take care of children. I have had custody of my children from the day the marriage ended and that was never in question despite my illness. OTOH I have never been hospitalized. Unless there are mitigating factors, such as her being suicidal, or violent, or neglectful, there is no reason not to seek custody in court. Also, if the husband was verbally abusive to your daughter, is he also verbally abusive to the children? Are you concerned about that? My daughter had another episode a year later, they were moving into a new house. I believe she was in hypermania. She ended up being hospitalized a second time...in mania she got pregnant out of her marriage...her marriage was over and she stopped the meds due to the pregnancy. August she had her baby, still no meds, and no sign of bipolar...she and her son are doing very well, all her support systems are pleased...last spring she gave her husband temp custody, because she was still in depression, but the order for supervised visits are still in effect to this date...she can care for her infant but needs supervised visits with her 9 & 7 yr olds? I am not blaming her husband for the disease, but want to know if he could be the reason it surfaced. Her dr and therapist are considering her condition may not be bipolar...the symptoms can occur in other conditions.
