Question:
What sets severe depression apart from depression? I always thought that if it wasn't so severe that you wanted to off yourself, than it must not be depression. What could be worse than always feeling suicidal and how could someone be depressed and not be suicidal? Wouldn't they just be felling down or sad?
Answer:
Feeling down and sad for too long is a symptom of low-level depression. And if it's TOO long, it's called dysthymia. I have felt like I am a mistake on this planet, that I am taking up valuable space; that like Nixon, my father should have pulled out too. I have felt like I was a worthless piece of shit- absolutely convinced of it. I have been convinced that there was no hope to ever have a pleasant life. I have only had a couple times where I felt like I should actually off myself, and even then I did not make an attempt. Depressed, yes. Suicidal, no.
If I ever find out...I'll let you know stay strong and take care
orcan
They sicken of the calm,
Who know the storm.
Clinical/endogenous depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain
triggered sometimes by a tragic/traumatic event or sometimes by no
external events at all. On top of feeling shitty, it is extremely
incapacitating. A clinically depressed person will lose their ability
to enjoy life (even activities that were once enjoyable), to maintain
concentration and make decisions, will often be confused and
disoriented, experience insomnia or restless sleep, may suffer anxiety/
panic attacks, lose all sense of control, feel physically and mentally
exhausted...the list goes on. These symptoms breakdown the sufferer to
the point where self-hatred and suicidal thoughts begin to surface.
This renders them unemployable, alienated, withdrawn, and sometimes
agoraphobic. Many depressives will cop to their patheticness but will
be entirely helpless to anything about it. Many cannot even leave their
own confines and deal with the outside world. If you need more info,
download ASD's FAQ parts 1-5. When I was severly depressed (what drove me to pdoc for meds), I
couldn't (not WOULDN'T) get outta bed. I just did not have the energy.
Couldn't shower, couldn't turn the tv on, couldn't answer the phone.
Could only sleep and cry. That was it. Somedays, I could get to the
table to push some food around on my plate tho most days it didn't even
matter. While there were thoughts of "when will this stop" "something
HAS to change here" "damn, give me a break", there was NEVER a thought
of suicide. I have never entertained that thought. I have thought
"Damn, I wish this shit would start", "Damn, I wish I could get a break"
"Damn, I really need a good, bend over, can't breath, make your throat
and chest ache laugh" but never suicide. I have complete compassion for
those that do ponder suicide, I know they are looking for the pain to
stop also, but having been in recovery from alcoholism and drug
addiction, I figure if I was supposed to die, I woulda then, and not
now. Don't really know why I am here, but I am just waiting for the
answer!
Well, when I was diagnosed as depressed 3 years ago, I had no thoughts
of suicide. I went to the pyschiatrist because I hadn't gotten out of
bed
to go to work for almost 8 weeks. I didn't feel sad or down....in fact,
I didn't feel anything at all. I slept about 18 hours a day and had no
energy to do anything more strenuous than use the TV remote. My
diagnosis
came as a complete surprise to me, but since then I've learned that my
symptoms are quite common signs of clinical depression. It might not be
"worse" than feeling suicidal, but being nonfunctional is certainly a
sign of a serious illness. I am slowly learning that depression doesn't follow any rules. One reason
I didn't seek treatment although I had suffered from depression for years
(as did my mother) was that I was highly functional. I went to work
everyday and was thought of as a very "with it" person who had everything
under control. Even on days when I felt so bad I had to hold onto a bench
to keep from jumping in front of the subway I still turned up at work and
did my job. Depression is different in everyone at various times. I have also found
that those of us who suffer from longterm depression (sometimes called
dysthymia) become accustomed to it and have trouble thinking that life
could be any different.
The more I read about depression, talk to other sufferers, and look for
help from my family, the better I am able to judge if the low moods I feel
are "normal" or depressive episodes.
