Question:
Right now, my doctor (who I speak with over the phone) gave me 10 pills of
lorazepam about 2 weeks ago, which I keep on me, but I have not taken one
yet. Its like a security thing for me to keep in my pocket to use just in
case I have another full blown panic attack.
Anyway, I know I am carrying on way too much here, but I was wondering if
there are any people out there that are homebound as well. I know that I'm
not the only one, but I would sure like to find someone that is so we can
chat. Maybe we can help each other out of this?
Answer:
My name is Sam and I've had anxiety and depression for over 12 years.
I'm not sure where to start, so I guess I will tell you my current
condition.
Right now I am in my mid 30's and have been homebound for about 4 years.
I have all traits of a person with severe anxiety, panic attacks, social
phobia, agoraphobia, etc.
I have a problem with everything to do with going out anywhere and doing
anything outside the house. I have not been out driving on the highway in
all that time because of these severe panic attacks that scare the living
hell out of me. Since I live out here in the middle of nowhere in the
country, things are very far away. I drive to the local post office or to
get gas for my car, but even that can be a big ordeal.
Over the years I tried medications like Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft and Klonpin,
which have done nothing for me since I don't like taking pills in the first
place. Recently my doctor just tried to push Effexor on me and I had a
horrible reaction to (and that has freaked me out now for the past 3 weeks),
which I think was mostly me. I just don't like taking something that is
going to alter me against my will. I would just like to try and tackle this
problem without it.
I have seen a few doctors over the past concerning this problem and not one
of them was helpful. Yes, they were all nice to talk to, but none of them
had any expertise in dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. I've tried to
find help groups or doctors that specialize in dealing with this problem.I
found one in Boston, but that's about a 4 hour drive from me and I haven't
been on the highway in the past 4 years.
I don't have a girlfriend right now (because I don't go out) and I was never
married. In fact, right now I live in my parent's basement, which is so
humiliating at my age, which is also why I really don't talk or socialize
with many people. I moved up here about 6 years ago after losing my job
with a big company that I stayed with for 10 years. I came to live with my
parents while I went back to college to get a bachelor degree in business.
After 2 years, I started having severe panic attack problems, but it wasn't
my first time having a panic problem or being homebound.
The first time I had a panic attack problem and being homebound was when I
was in my early 20's. I was at work and when it hit me I thought I was a
relapse of my asthma, which I haven't had in years. I ran to the doctor's
office in the building, and they couldn't find anything wrong with me at
all. In the end, I had to take sick leave from work for 3 months to try and
recover from being homebound. In the end, the only way I was able to
recover was on my own. I ended up pushing myself on a bike everyday to get
father and father away from home until I was ready to go back to work. It
actually worked, but I had so much more energy then. Now I fell totally
depleted after having a panic attack. I don't enjoy biking anymore and
besides I don't have one or the money to get one. I know I should exercise,
but when I do and my heart starts beating and I get freaked out by that.
Also, when I try and go out, I feel like everyone can see right through
me...they know everything about my current situation and thinks I am a total
loser. Its like I examine everyones face to see or try to think what they
are thinking about me. At times I really think I am going insane.
I don't have a job since I have such a hard time to leave home. I have no
idea what to do with my life at this point. It's a mid-life crisis for me.
I don't want to go back to an office job or work for a corporation since I
got totally screwed in my last job where I busted my ass for 10 years. I
just don't trust them and I would hate to go back to a place where I would
have to sit in long meetings or training classes, which always drove my
anxiety to such high levels. But I can't do anything unless I get over this
problem.
I've been trying to find work out of home or maybe somehow start my own
business at home. I tried selling things on ebay, but that didn't work out
too well. If anyone knows of any good home jobs, please let me know.
So right now I am medication free. I quit smoking about 3 years ago (cold
turkey without medications) since that started to bother me also. I don't
drink either although I used to have a few beers once in a while, but now I
just don't like the lightheaded feeling I get from it. I don't sleep very
long.about 5 or 6 hours at the most with little mini naps during the day. I
don't sit around and watch cable TV all day since it makes me feel like I'm
wasting time, although I do enjoy a good video game once in while to take my
mind off of things, or read a book. Lately I find that writing seems to be
very helpful as well.
I do a see a therapist, again who isn't an expert in dealing with anxiety,
but he is the only guy in the area...and each week that I go to see him, it
is so hard for me to drive there and sit there for an hour and talk.
Afterwards I usually feel pretty good, but only for a short time, then it
just goes away.
Right now, my doctor (who I speak with over the phone) gave me 10 pills of
lorazepam about 2 weeks ago, which I keep on me, but I have not taken one
yet. Its like a security thing for me to keep in my pocket to use just in
case I have another full blown panic attack.
Anyway, I know I am carrying on way too much here, but I was wondering if
there are any people out there that are homebound as well. I know that I'm
not the only one, but I would sure like to find someone that is so we can
chat. Maybe we can help each other out of this.
I was housebound in my early to mid twenties, I only left home when I
absolutely had to and then it was still an ordeal. I "think" location is almost irrelevant when one feels this way, the end
of my driveway could have been 100 miles away at times. Living in the
country things are further away, access to good pdocs requires travel,
but there is so much less negitive stimuli. Welcome to the other club, the I have anxiety and am afraid to take
medicine, don't want to take medicine club. Most people don't like
taking pills, sometimes we have to though. :/ To go this without it you might find help in meditation, or tai chi.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an excellent treatment for anxiety and
depression. If you can't find someone in your area that does CBT you
may find _The Feeling Good Handbook_ by David Burns to be helpful. _The
Anxiety and Phobia Workbook_ by Bourne is also a good one, but not CBT. Four hours from Boston without easily found access to good treatment
puts you in ME, NH or VT, right? If it's ME I may be able to help you
with the names of a few doctors and other resources. It may be embarassing, but you aren't alone in that, there is a large
amount of the adult population that for any number of reasons has moved
back home. Living at home wouldn't be on my fun list of things to do,
either. However when one is housebound and doesn't have a partner, it's
a pretty good place to be, if nothing else you know that there is
someone there to lend you a hand when things are bad. The exercise heat racing thing is pretty common in people with anxiety.
Just a walk around the yard, to the end of the drive, down the street,
will give you some exercise and allow you to slowly push the limits. Do they really know everything or are you afraid that they do? There
seems to be lots and lots of people that are reclusive, don't work and
so forth about, most people are too wrapped up in thier own lives to
really pay much attention. One simple phrase that helped me was this,
"It's none of my business what you think of me." It really is true,
what strangers think frankly doesn't matter when you are trying to get
better and regain your freedom. I don't know if there are any unless they are in the realm of self
employment, it seems that much of what is advertised as "work from home"
is a scam. I do know people that have done medical
billing/transcription from home for local doctors. Alas I think that's
something that needs to be sought out rather than simply answering a
classified advert. I did that with alprazolam for about a year. Finally I decided to take
the stuff rather than hoarding it for that "worse than this one" panic
attack. I'm glad I did, once I got over the fear of taking it I
discovered that it made me feel normal again and I was able to do many
of the things that I enjoyed but had avoided.
Truth be told , lots of us have been there done that. I think you need to
find a decent therapist. Try to look at the bright side of life. Homebound
for this long is not exactly going to help you. This is what helped me: try
going to a nursing home.If you are like most people you won't like it, Even
if you can't get there, think thats all you have to look forward to , if you
let your fears get the best of you. say to yourself what is worse that? 0
and so live your life and when your ready to be an employee of moving
company I am here . I need to start a new business. Hopefully you can move
to the shore and we can get married to two Chinese or African ladies who
will cherish us because....because we are breathing and we go them in the
USA. Now are you sure you still want to stay indoors alone when you can have
all this?
